he's so helpful

[taakotuesdays]

So you want to be a farmer? Here's the deal. Farming's stupid easy. First thing you gotta do, is you gotta--

[ streeeetch ] You gotta get yourself all nice and limber for the farming. [ crossing one arm over a shoulder, streeetch, doing the opposite. ] The farming that we were all interrupted in the multiverse to do. Specifically, coming here for farming, when my best friends are back home and this is supposed to be a place that reunites best friends or whatever.

Thanks, Marge, you're one of a kind.

Anyway, you take some seeds. [ Throws them over his shoulder. ] -- oop.

[ He turns and blasts the seeds to grow into an impressive beanstalk, sprouting weird vegetables that only wizardry would make. ]

And that's my TED talk on farming where is the bus to the Moon.

Comments

[4leafhair]

[She applauds with gusto, having stretched with him.] You're better than the radio man! Can Yotsuba farm like that too? Why do you need to go to the moon?

[taakotuesdays]

Afraid that's the way Taako does it, kid. But anyone can learn to become a wizard, you just gotta study and do some good magics.

[ He points his umbrella at a nearby tree. ] See this tree? I want less of it.

[ POW. The tree has been vaporized! ]

You're about the right age to get your letter to wizard school or something. You... uh, eleven?

[4leafhair]

Yotsuba was this many! [She holds up five fingers.] But then had a lot of birthdays all at once! So... ten?

[She holds up her other hand. It's Pokemon world bullshit. The giant cicada on her back is not a backpack, she's just clinging to one. And she proves it by stirring awake and peering over Yotsuba's shoulder.]

[taakotuesdays]

Oh shit, did anyone celebrate all those birthdays? -- fuck, I said shit. [ Covers his mouth with the tips of his fingers. ] See, this is why Magnus and Merle need to be here? Because sometimes I have to stop.

Anyway, ignore all of that. Here's some confetti for all your weirdly skipped birthdays.

[ His umbrella fuels a jet-stream of confetti, coming down in streamers and glitter over them. It's okay, he rocks it with his barbie-pink sequin-lined "FROM TV" jacket on right now. ]

[odont]

If you find said bus, please, share.

[taakotuesdays]

Woah, you're going to the moon too? I don't seem to, uhh, recognize your face or anything.

Which isn't an insult to you or anything, I'm just a pretty big deal there.

[righteyed]

That's not--


You didn't raise those seeds!!! This is an abomination and an insult to farming! Where is the work? The love? The patience and attention?

[Baby grandpa here is a farming connoisseur okay. This insults his art!!]

[taakotuesdays]

Sorry man, Taako's my name and abominations are my game. They completely skipped childhood just like an oldest sibling with a deadbeat dad.

[ SORRY, MERLE... not sorry, Merle. ]

[righteyed]

[Abominations, Kojuro can handle. Look he knows this one dude, kind of famous, kind of a huge dick, just won't stay dead no matter how many times he gets killed. And no fashion sense at all, like damn dude you've been alive this long how do you still dress like an ugly Power Rangers villain.

BUT NOT WITH FARMING. This is his passion, something you normally can't pervert and still know success with! Something where hard work and patience is re-- Ugh you kids with this magic shit he's so tired, he can't even be mad anymore.]

...So...You mentioned that your friends weren't here, but that you expected them to be. Were you promised this when you arrived, then? [Because the only other thing he has that doesn't involve him wearing himself out with rage over it not being Real Farming is asking what the hell those weird magic veggies are, and the answer won't satisfy him no matter what it is. (Shit don't let Merle come near him okay he won't be able to handle all that tree-flirting bullshit.)]

[coldandyearning]

I don't think you'll be able to leave that easily.

[taakotuesdays]

What-- but it was advertised that we could go home any time we wanted, right?

[ Taako is trying to remember... Taako was drunk as hell on the night of the Stardrop Celebration. Several people may know of his 'AS SEEN ON TV' tattoo. Oh no. ]

... damn, it was only at the end of summer, huh.

[coldandyearning]

['???????????'

She's just. Not gonna comment on that summer part.]

Yeah, but there doesn't seem to be any set timetables as far as I'm concerned, so it seems like their service must be absolutely shoddy.

[hornedskull]

[ fordola wants to punch the beanstalk

but she resists

for now ]

The moon. She instead says. I doubt you're talkin' about the reborn embodiment of it, who I wish would come by as well. [ huff huff, her horns have begun to sprout again. ]

[taakotuesdays]

Woah, do you have mood horns? Like a mood ring? You sound pretty pissed.

[ A beat. ] If someone killed the moon and it had to be reborn as a person and stuff, this is the first I'm hearing of it. Our moon is [CRACKLING NOISE LIKE TV STATIC COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH]

... our moon is just a rock.

[hornedskull]

[ ??? She hisses. ] No, I-- they're usually hidden, okay! Gods, now I need to cut them off again. [ she mutters the last bit to herself.

ow static but Fordola rolls her eyes. ] Yeah, we have one of those - a big rock of a moon. The other one was actually a prison with a dragon in it.

A pissed off dragon. And then the Gods decided 'oh, we'll bring the gods back'! That'll stop the dragon when it falls to the planet!

[collegedebt]

[Tim appreciates all of this but,--]

You're from the moon too? I mean, I'm not from the moon, and there's like... probably tons of moons, I guess that's a pretty stupid question but.

[Er, shit. What the hell is he rambling about now?]

I mean, Elpis right? Great er, lesson by the way.

[taakotuesdays]

Elpis? Nah, I'm from New Elfington. I just happen to currently be residing on the moon, or a [crackling, static noise coming out of his mouth.]

... right. That's probably-- even the multiverse can't stop that.

[collegedebt]

[Okay like, super weird. Timothy has his own vocal cord issues though, so he just kind of gives Taako an odd look, eyebrows raised, but he won't mention it.]

I always thought it was weird that people like, choose to live on the moon. Elpis is what Pandora's moon is called, but you're probably from a different planet it's not a big deal.

[He's rambling again, whoops.]

So uh. Huh... so, that like-- weird voice thing?

[Oh heck, he asked anyway.]

[inthemiddle]

W, well, I was only here to offer my services as a doctor, but the show was certainly... impressive! [Silas has just been going around seeing if anybody might be in need to treatment. The display of magic is grand by his standards, not something the Druids would ever do, too flashy. Silas can't help but be fascinated.]

[taakotuesdays]

[ Taako kinda phases out what they're saying at first because damn, they're cute as hell.

Oh right. ]

Yeah, I'm kind of a zesty deal when it comes to magic, but you should see me frying up these bad boys. I'm Taako-- you know, as seen on TV.

[inthemiddle]

[a lot of this face, incoming]

I'm afraid I don't know, my apologies. [Silas is a very proper sort, but especially in contrast to Taako. As seen on TV? What could that even mean?]

Do you explore all manner of magics?

[alloutoflove]

You don't want to go to the moon. Space is where the NEETS go.

[ She'd stopped at first at the dramatic speech and the gesturing -- never let it be said she's not an appreciative audience for spectacle! -- but that last comment has Chisa pausing. Technically she shouldn't know that; none of her friends do, she's pretty sure.

At the same time... well, sometimes, you just have to say it. ]

[autolatrist]

[As a NEET who spent several months dead in space, can confirm.]

[taakotuesdays]

Oh, our moon isn't just a moon, it's a [STATIC NOISE].

.. right, forget I just kshhhhhhh'd and let's move on. Let's say my moon is an ideal place to be.

[alloutoflove]

Did you really just-- [ She can't do it. She can't actually convincingly make the white noise sound, so it just sort of sounds like someone hissing through their teeth. ]

Wait, wait, back up! How'd you do that??