he's so helpful

[taakotuesdays]

So you want to be a farmer? Here's the deal. Farming's stupid easy. First thing you gotta do, is you gotta--

[ streeeetch ] You gotta get yourself all nice and limber for the farming. [ crossing one arm over a shoulder, streeetch, doing the opposite. ] The farming that we were all interrupted in the multiverse to do. Specifically, coming here for farming, when my best friends are back home and this is supposed to be a place that reunites best friends or whatever.

Thanks, Marge, you're one of a kind.

Anyway, you take some seeds. [ Throws them over his shoulder. ] -- oop.

[ He turns and blasts the seeds to grow into an impressive beanstalk, sprouting weird vegetables that only wizardry would make. ]

And that's my TED talk on farming where is the bus to the Moon.

Comments

[collegedebt]

[It takes him a second, but then Tim nods a lot, rubbing his chin.]

Yeah, yeah! I wasn't gonna ask anyway I just-- super top secret stuff, I get it.

[At least Taako's face doesn't explode!!]

[There's a small, awkward pause and then,]

So uh, yeah, farming huh?

my cat hit enter

[taakotuesdays]

[ If only he knew your face was rigged to explode, he might help out with that. Might. If he was feeling like it. ]

Farming it is...

[ Taako bounces his umbrella-wand to cast more and more magic plants. The same stalks that grow strawberries also grows gourds, et cetera. ]

You gonna do the same? 'Cause I think this'll get real old, real fast.

[collegedebt]

[If Timothy ever felt brave enough to reveal that, he might ask. In writing. Can he write it down? He's... never tried. He watches the magic, his hands resting on his hips and lets out a little huff.]

Wow that's... Like, literal magic.

[It doesn't sound mocking, or even that surprised. He's just a bit... godsmacked?]

Oh, oh right. It's not like... really my thing, so...

[taakotuesdays]

Uh-huh. I'm a wizard, Jack. Wizardry's my thing. The hill I die on, as it were.

[ Please, be gobsmacked. Taako's the kind of person who'd love to go to the past and wow people with a ballpoint pen. He enjoys the attention. ]

I hear that you can run a business if you don't like to farm... unfortunately, that's even less of my thing.

[ etc etc traumatic past etc ]

[collegedebt]

Hey man, whatever you say.

[Magic is kind of a thing where he's from? Like, what's a Siren anyway? Are they aliens, or.... what? All Tim knows about them is the fake cheesecake porn. You know, if you asked.]

A business, huh?

[Okay, that's more realistic for him. He has a degree!]

Well, I mean, I already have a business, but... What the heck? Why not.

[taakotuesdays]

Yo, talk a little louder, because I think I just heard an idea my elf ears didn't quite pick up. Spill the beans, dude! What's your job?

[ He casually takes a peach off one of his vine abominations and takes a bite of it. Sweet and juicy. Remind him to juice this into a fine margarita later. ]

[collegedebt]

I work for-- well, I own, actually, Hyperion Company. We're a weapons manufacture on the outside but we are so much more.

[The schmoozey company talk comes with the education, so this is Timothy's actual forte. He goes on, and on, but finally...]

... even a regeneration system, for Vault Hunters-- that's like an adventurer, y'now-- In case they die or whatever. And it's all thanks to me. Handsome Jack.

[taakotuesdays]

Hold the fuck up.

[ Taako's found it. The spark that is going to make them best friends. ]

Your name is Handsome Jack.

[ He wheezes a little, but it's clearly in delight. ] I'm Taako from TV, dude! Now I get it, we're totally on the same level!

[collegedebt]

[Yeah, it's kinda funny isn't it? What a blowhard. He didn't come up with it, though. He's glad it's good for a laugh.]

Yeah, yeah. Suits me, right?

[Tim gives that Handsome™ grin, settling his hand on his hips.]

Hyperion trademark, don't forget it.

[Aaaaaaand, finger guns!]

[taakotuesdays]

Dude, now you gotta spill. What the hell is Hyperion? I mean-- You got your own CEO celebrity nickname and everything, what's up with that?

[ Taako's actually looking pretty enthralled, he's not used to meeting people who are the same kind of showboat he is. ]

[collegedebt]

I was just telling you, dude! We're a weapons manufacturer.

[It's okay, Taako probably got distracted by his dashing good looks. Or something...]

We own 13 planets in 5 galaxies and sell to even more. Personally, my favorite thing is our PTM, stands for Personal Transformation Machine; instant skin changes! You don't even have to put on your own clothes.

[Wish he'd known about those before all the. All the surgery.]