FURST | Action at the bus stop!

[sarcastass]

Who: Szelhamos and you!
What: A very cranky, flamboyant bird demon rolls up into town, definitely NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE.
When: The weekend, as late in the afternoon as he can manage.
Where: Bus stop, and then grumping around town.
Warnings: None unless over the top Mean Girls level histrionics are troubling.

[He'd never had to take public transportation before in his life. Why would he? He could teleport. He could buy a car. He could waft into town on a breeze.

He could pay someone an embarrassingly large amount of money to ride in a plane with a hot tub and a five star all you can eat sushi buffet. He wasn't a bus person. But apparently, there wasn't any teleporting in here, or breeze riding or car driving or sushi buffet plane flying in here. That alone was offensive, and he hadn't even gotten to the part where he was offended that he had to ride on a bus.

Stepping out of said bus into podunk middle of nowhere was offense number three, Szel still sulking over numbers one and two, and at this point he was furiously scrolling through his phone looking for a certain number in a desperate effort to vent some steam.

He definitely doesn't look like he fits here, a tall, well dressed young man in an Italian suit and calf skin shoes, gold tipped cane and blacked out glasses. Not... not really farmer material. Maybe he's here on vacation.

A bit jarringly, there upon his shoulder, peering into the phone with far more intelligent intensity than most would expect, was a slinky, golden eyed black cat, unblinking as Szel grumbled and scrolled.]

If he changed his number, I'm snapping his neck.

[Now this would sound like he was talking to himself, where it not for the cat.... y'know, answering him, tone demure and lisping.]

If you snap his neck, do we get to go back?

No.

Comments

[sarcastass]

"What do I look like, a fairy?" NO, TANNUSEN. DEMONS DO NOT TALK TO TREES.

"Plus, fucking with it like that creates a sort of arcane bond between myself and it." More of the same weird soul shit he'd used on Tannusen, and on Midge, it'd seem.

[black_black_heart]

"Well, if you're binding yourself to trees you're more a fairy than I am," Tannusen laughed, "at least as far as stereotypes go."

[sarcastass]

"Fairies are just half-assed demons, so maybe I'm just better than the fairies I know from home."

[black_black_heart]

"If it's any consolation, trees aren't very interesting conversationalists," the tiger noted, "plants in general, really. If you're not sunlight, water, or dirt, they don't really pay attention. Makes them real sketchy witnesses to things that don't directly involve them."

[sarcastass]

"Well that's why stabbing them with a knife a few times and jamming them full of demon blood is a good idea, because now they don't have the ability to do whatever they want anymore and they have no choice but to pay attention."

[black_black_heart]

"Perhaps so, but you have to do that in advance of what you want to know about. If you ever want to have a chat with one my way, let me know." And then, "So is your farm going to be full of eyeball trees?"

[sarcastass]

"Well normally, I'd say no, and leave the trees the hell alone, but god only knows when some asshole animal might saunter in and fill my house full of penis confetti while I'm not there.

I could use the warning."

[black_black_heart]

"As though the trees would see me," Tannusen laughed, "now that I can Flicker Flash myself again, I think your plans are pre-thwarted."

[sarcastass]

"If you think for one second I can't put more eyeballs inside my house, you are gravely mistaken sir. I'll eyeball the entire place up."

[black_black_heart]

"Well you're never getting laid in your own house again, if it's full of eyeballs. I may be an exhibitionist, but even I have limits."

[sarcastass]

"Jokes on you, because we never actually fucked in my house before, so I can't miss what I never had."

[black_black_heart]

"Well no, but there's no sex studio here, and we're definitely not fooling around where Cass and I live."

[sarcastass]

Oh shit, that's right. Szel had absolutely no interest in having any sex, with anyone, with the threat of being walked in on by that fucking man.

Twice as bad when one was fooling around with said fucking man's fiance.

"... Well then I guess you better invest on being a melon farmer with a knife making business as a side hustle."

TANTRUM.

[black_black_heart]

"Look at you, acting like I can't get laid at the drop of a hat."

[sarcastass]

Shut up over there with your endless options and secure and understanding fiance.

"Chickens don't count."

Okay yes, this is a tantrum and he knows he's lost this argument, leave him alone, he's aware.

"I guess one of us is going to have to become opulently rich and build a second house."

[black_black_heart]

Cassian was the most secure, letting Tannusen cavort around with his enemy of two thousand years! It wasn't like this was happening in secret, or without the somewhat unspoken understanding that Tannu would call a halt to it if it started to upset the priest.

Honestly, a+ fiance.

"Gross."

EXCUSE YOU SUGGESTING HE'D FUCK LIVESTOCK?? ????? ?

"The insinuation is kind of silly coming from an overgrown angry parrot."

[sarcastass]

"Are you insinuating I'm on the same attractiveness level as a chicken?"

STALEMATE, now they're both offended.

... Okay no, one of them has definitely been offended a lot longer here, but let him pretend this is all even footing.

[black_black_heart]

"You have your moments."

OOOH BURN.

[sarcastass]

"I'm reinstating the ban in my new house." JERK.

[black_black_heart]

"I mean, you can try," Tannusen was right back to sounding cheerful, just like that.

"I've yet to encounter a measure from your world that can stop me. The challenge sounds fun!"

[sarcastass]

"Who the hell else, other than me, has even attempted to stop you with literally anything that you do?"

[black_black_heart]

"Cassian early on, of course."

Silly priest had thought his wards would keep a guy out who, even after losing the ability to teleport, could draw a doorway on anything and walk through it.

"The fish, although I guess he tried the opposite. He learned better. Your fellow chickens never tried to tell me no because of the whole free will thing."

BAWK BAWK.

[sarcastass]

"Cassian would attempt to turn back the tide if it caused him some kind of inconvenience." So he doesn't even count.

"And his asshole fairy friend is exactly like him, just more insecure." Is he wrong?

"So neither of them even matter here, and yes, I was the only one in the entire host of heaven who could use that free will thing, so again, I'm the only person here that even matters."

[black_black_heart]

"He would!" No, not even a little bit of an argument about Cassian's stubbornness. It's a good thing Tannusen finds it charming... most of the time.

[sarcastass]

Hey, no one was perfect.

Unless you're Szel.

Then you're perfect, obviously.

"Are we almost at my house yet?"